you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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