i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
