Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
