I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I want a musical about memes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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