I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
