Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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