I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
