He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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