I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
