Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
