Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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