M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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