Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
