that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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