My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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