you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
