OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
