Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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