I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
