Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
