somebody snuck up and got me drunk
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
