is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
