why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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