how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
