I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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