I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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