she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
