hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
