But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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