Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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