Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
