Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
