I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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