I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
