Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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