i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
