RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
