he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
