i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
