sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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