And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
