If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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