last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
