she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
