it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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