If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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