So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
