I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
