We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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