I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
