It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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