I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
