your thong is hanging out like whoa
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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