READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
