I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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