Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
