I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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