haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize