You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
another moral hangover. fuck.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
