I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
