Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
