I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I skipped work to stalk him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
