Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
