So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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