I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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