Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
