I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
