Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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