i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
