these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
