He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
zippers are such a cool invention
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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