So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
