i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
