fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
