Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
