My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
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