are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
