the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i now understand why vodka
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
