I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
