Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
