Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
either way he was missing a nipple.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
