At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
