I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
