just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
