Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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