i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I queefed so loud it echoed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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